single in the suburbs

being a newly single gal, i’ve been on the receiving end of some very questionable dating advice lately. it’s the strangest thing – people i barely know are offering up advice. i’m not sure if it’s because they pity me, are trying to humor me, or if they actually think their suggestions are good ideas.

i will say, these little tips do provide some humor throughout the day:

1. join the single’s catholics group at our family church. just what i need. someone who worships a man more than me.

2. go for my cousin’s sloppy seconds. apparently, her ex-boyfriend IS dateable according to my aunt…even if my cousin got rid of him. riiiight.

3. date my other cousin's basketball coach – mind you, she is 15. he gets to hang with teeny-boppers and their oh-so-young ASSets then come home to me, a more senior 24 year old (still with great ASSets). nope, not gonna work. maaaaaybe if he coached boys instead of girls.

4. "take pictures of yourself and text them out to boys and see if you get any call backs." and they didn't mean dirty ones, perv.  but seriously? i think vanessa hudgens has taught us all the morale of that story.

5. "i know its hard, but you have to remember that boys are like dogs. just be patient with them." yes. because we all want our lifetime companion to be someone who poops on the streets and greets you with sloppy kisses.

6. join an online dating service.  no thanks, i've had enough facebook stalkers to last me for now.

7. wear all lobster-related paraphernalia. the true lobster will clue in.  (ok, so i did take this one seriously…see below)

some of these have been coming from my OWN family members. makes me think to myself, how did peg (aka cougar) snag a ton and how did sis rope in her lobster with all their awful man-scooping suggestions?